She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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