Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
