Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
