Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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