Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
