am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
