They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
