We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
