Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize