At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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