I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
