If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
