so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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