so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
