Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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