Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
