'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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