She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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