I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize