He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
