I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
