oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
