I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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