So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
