I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
