There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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