She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
