I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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