Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
