my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Randomize
