I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize