dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my liver is dry heaving
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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