They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
