Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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