Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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