On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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