I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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