I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
