I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
