Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
