I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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