I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
