so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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