sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
