I think I won the penis lottery.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
