I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
