Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
