Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
