Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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