my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
