My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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