is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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