It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
