We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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