I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
