i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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