i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
