She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
