Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
