come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
