Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
