Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
