she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
