life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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