shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
