Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need water and some morals
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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