He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
