that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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