he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
