I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
