Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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