i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
